Lost That Spiritual Feeling

I began to tell my friend Eddie how I started to think about that feeling I had. You know, that feeling that we call "being on fire". That feeling that makes you feel more spiritual. During those times I made sure I was in Church as many times as possible, prayed, read the Word consistently and spoke the language. You know that language that I heard someone describe as Christianese. You know what I'm talking about; the ones that are real spiritual when you talk to them and say thing like "I'm blessed and highly favored" or how they feel things in the spirit. Now I'm not trying to put anyone down or offend anyone. I did it myself quite often and still do on occasion. There isn't anything wrong with it as long as your life reflects what you are speaking and it's real in you. Most people in the world run from us who speak like this. It's a language that they don't speak and it makes it difficult to get close to them when they hear you speak like that. It also makes it difficult if they see you talk around church folks one way and at work or home you are talking another way. Your family and co-workers notice that and we need to be careful because it can give a perception of hypocrisy. Now, getting back to what I was saying;

I remembered having that invincible feeling. Spiritually I was high, or so I thought, and at first I didn't think I would come down. Well, like most of us I not only came down I crashed. After moving to Florida, going to church for a few more years, some very tough times in the ministry caused the church to close. I found myself out of the structured church environment I was use to. A few of us from the church committed to meet on a weekly basis to fellowship, study the word and break bread together. We also spend a lot of time together with our families outside of our weekly get-togethers. We all had some scars from our experiences in church but I knew that I could not go back to what some would say is 'the world'; But something inside told me that I could never go back to church or the church structure as I knew it. We all decided to study what Jesus said about the church, the history of the church and how we got to the structure of the church as it is today. We found nothing Biblically to show the current structure of the church. As we know the church teaches us to live our lives by the Book. So how come we are not doing "Church" by the book? Anyway, I know that I took a detour because this is not what I wanted to discuss. Let me get back to feeling spiritual. Since we are no longer going to church many things have changed. It became more about truly living your life for Christ in action with the understanding that it's not about you and what you can get. We no longer had that feel good message at Sunday service or worship service that sometimes give you that charge that last for a day or two and then your left waiting until the next service for that charge. The effort has to come all from you. No one can walk the walk and do the things that Jesus required of us to do except you. That will really test how real you are with your walk. The dynamics truly changed. The most drastic for me was that spiritual feeling. I didn't have it. I began to question my fire for Christ because I didn't have that feeling I had in the past. I was questioning how spiritual I was because I no longer spoke the language the way I use to and I began to listen to more non Christian music. Due to our studies I started to question many things I learned in the past and also because I wasn't a part of the church functions that gave me the feeling that I was doing something for the church. The scary part of this is that although I won't have a problem visiting a church, I could never see myself go back to that structure on a consistent basis. With all that being said, what about that spiritual feeling. Was I less spiritual because of the lack of those things?

I've come to realize that I had to figure out what it means to feel spiritual or at the very least what feeling spiritual is not. Gal. 5:22 gives us the fruits of the spirit. But the fruit of the Spirit is: love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faith, meekness, self-control; against such things there is no law. This tells me that it has nothing to do with feelings or emotions but action. If you look at the fruits they are all actions. So although I don't feel some of the things that I have in the past it doesn't make me any less spiritual. Jesus said in Matt. 7:16 You will know them by there fruits. Not by how they spoke or went to church or felt but how they lived there lives. The word fruits in both scriptures mean the same. And that's what the Church or being the Church is all about. It's not about church and worship services. It's not about feelings or emotions either. We know that feelings or our emotions can be fickle so we can't always trust them. Our actions are what counts. How we live our lives is what counts. We are not always going to feel like the fruits of the spirit but we need to show those fruits even when we don't want to. That is what being spiritual is.

It's been a year now since I have stopped going to church and I am still trying to adjust to some things that I have been use to for a long time. I realize that I always have to try to change for the better. The world is so crazy that we need that fruit of peace and joy. God has given us the ability to examine ourselves which is very hard to do sometimes. I thank God that I don't have a problem doing that because I will need to continue examining myself to grow and change. I can't do that for anybody else but me. What's crazy is my wife Rosemary has felt the same. She is constantly questioning how sprirtual she is because people around her who talk the talk. I realize more and more that it's not about that.I do pray that God continues to give us the desire to change and to walk in the fruit of the spirit. As far as feeling spiritual, I am getting use to not worrying about how I feel and more on focusing on the fruits that God expects from me. All the fruits may not always be ripe in me but with time they eventually will.

Lost That Spiritual Feeling

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