Relationships and Honesty
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By J. Gomez
When the going gets tough, it's hard to make it through without a close group of friends that you can love and be loved by. But, all that means nothing if you forget to make honesty a number one priority in your relationships. There's nothing worse than realizing that the person your friends and family love is not really who you are.
Relationships can be very difficult. It's a miracle we even have friends! So much goes into making, maintaining, and saving them that, at times, there is little energy to do anything else. I have learned that relationships - friends, family, coworkers, and employees - can be both the most rewarding and frustrating part of being a human being.
Take marriage for example.
You start by meeting someone. Something happens that causes attraction to take place. From that point forward, both you and that person "present" to each other, neither one truly being honest about who you are inside for fear of turning the other person away. For those of you that did not do that, you are probably in a one-sided relationship that you completely dominate. Good for you, bad for the person you are with. See what I mean - relationships can be SO complex!
If you present to each other long enough, you get married. Then, everything begins to fall apart. Now, all of the truth about who you are comes to light. You go through a year or two of ignoring all of those annoying habits, calling them "cute". But, it only lasts for so long before you and your spouse begin to break. Things you both took for granted are quickly becoming important obstacles to your relationship. By the time you make it to marriage counseling (if you make it there at all), you astonish the counselor with how little you know about each other after 10 years.
Just Be Honest
Whether it's a marriage, a friendship, or a close family member, the aspect of relationships most overlooked seems to be true honesty. We put a false face to the world and wonder why they do not like the "real" us. We hold feelings inside that were made to be expressed and wonder why people don't understand us. We smile when we should frown and wonder why nobody feels the pain that is in our hearts. But, God did not make us like that. We learned it from the world, from our workplace, and especially from church.
Meanwhile, God made us to express our honesty. Our eyes should express what we feel inside, and our thoughts and feelings should be easy to display. On the flipside, we should also be open and anxious to know the true feelings of those we love instead of settling with "being polite". I know that when I live inside of a lie, I can feel it. It chokes the life out of me and strangles the authority that I have been given over my very life. It removes my ability to respond to change when it comes knocking. It forces me to sit down like a good little boy and wait to be given permission to be myself. All along the way, a quiet desperation builds, begging to move, scream, or do anything other than just sit there.
What's The Secret?
In my life, living the truth has been my most important value. I have learned that building relationships that I can be honest with is one of the most important pieces to life's puzzle. Accountability, strength, love, friendship, and the fulfillment of the Christian life can all be unlocked by tapping into honest relationships. It's what Jesus meant by His teachings on friendship. It is also the secret to building that love for each other that would move us to give our very lives for those around us. By those around us, I mean those that are still by your side after everything has been honestly said, heard, and done.
I'm not saying it is easy to do. But, I have learned that it is certainly worth doing.
