Today, the word "forgive" can make a person quite apprehensive. Typically when the word is mentioned, people replay painful situations of when they have been wronged. We all have experienced a time in our lives where we were faced with an opportunity to forgive someone of their actions, but do we ever wholeheartedly forgive?
Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV) says: "And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." In this verse our Father clearly reminds us how He forgives us and how we must forgive one another. Jesus died on the cross to save men from their sins, so why is it so hard for some people to forgive? Many times people desire to forgive the transgressor for their actions, but they harbor resentment which makes it difficult to genuinely forgive.
I have been put in this situation several times during my walk as a Christian. Unfortunately, my transgressor was the same person over and over again. Being attacked by a person to whom I once was a wife, opened the doorway for resentment in my heart. So much was hindering my ability to forgive this person, from leaving my child and me almost homeless to being on the receiving end of all forms of degrading and demeaning language. In my mind I would say I had forgiven this person but in my heart I couldn't find myself to even pray for the person. Not only were his actions weighing on me but the resentment was growing so much that it was hindering my own spiritual growth. All I could think of was this person's actions, how they made me feel and why would someone commit such actions against another person. To be honest, I still don't understand how this person is the father of my child and he continues to treat me as if we were on enemy lines in a war. However, I have learned to genuinely forgive him for everything he has ever done to me. Forgiving him took me almost a full year but it was done!
I was listening to a podcast of James MacDonald and something stuck out for me. James said "You are never more like God when you choose to forgive." I thought to myself, "WOW, never more like God? What is my purpose in my Christian walk? What am I supposed to be reflecting as a Christian? I already had the answers to all of these questions, I just choose not to believe or react upon them. It was my choice not to forgive my transgressor when at the same time God is forgiving, merciful and teaches us to be the same way. Unforgiveness was hindering my growth of reflecting what God wanted me to be. My resentment turned into bitterness and I actually started to hate this person. A friend of mine always reminds me about the usage of my words and how powerful words are. The word "hate" is a VERY powerful word. Hate is defined as intense hostility deriving from fear or anger. Fear and anger are not of God!
Matthew 22:37-39 (NKJV) says: "Jesus said to him, 'You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'
Jesus says to love your neighbor, love people you don't even know. I knew this person. I was his wife. I could love him. I would just need to look past everything he has ever done. Just like when you are baptized and wiped clean of your previous life! Does that mean I have to interact daily with this person and make them my best friend? NO WAY! Love them the way God loves us! Show them Christ in us. Show them His beauty, forgiveness and mercy the way God shows us! I'm not saying that would completely change the transgressor but it will definitely slow down their negative actions towards you. Not to mention how free you will feel once you forgive them of their sins.
Finally, we should not forget to ask for forgiveness from the feelings we may harbor towards our transgressors. Remember we are man and we sin. No one is perfect and just because someone acts negatively towards us, it does not give us the right to feel the resentment or hatred. However, their actions give us a choice. Should we react the way the transgressor reacts? Or should we forgive and accept that person for who they are by responding Christ-like?
I pray this will minister to anyone who is going through what I went through!