I have never had any problems when it came to friendships. I consider myself to be a person who gets along with almost anybody whether in church, my job or even on the streets. I have been involved in men's ministry, ushered in church and have been involved in other church ministries.
I consider myself to be a loyal friend. I would do almost anything for my family and friends. Working in ministry I put a lot of time and effort to do whatever I felt God wanted me to do. Sometimes with rejection and sometimes with acceptance. I understood that it came with the territory of ministry and knew my heart was in the right place. Although I never expected anything in return because I felt I was doing it for the Lord, there was a part of me that did expect people to treat me the way I treated them. This doesn't always happen. I felt I put a lot of effort into relationships only to sometimes realize it was in vain. I really tried to work on my relationships with people who I considered friends only to see the effort not returned. I have to admit that it started to bother me.
What also bothered me was that sometimes the friendships you have outside the church were stronger than your friends in church. I want to make a point about friends outside of church compared to friends in church. There shouldn't be any difference. It really bothered me when I would be introduced as a 'church friend'. For me a friend is a friend. (Although I did expect more from a friend who was a Christian, that wasn't always the case and I think that was part of my problem). Friendships should be natural. So the question is 'What is a friend'? If you ask 10 people what they think a friend is you will probably get a few different responses. It seems like a simple question but it does depend on who you ask.
After going through some tough times with some relationships it really started to get to me. I started thinking back to the time and energy I put into relationships and felt I had nothing to show for it. I went through different emotions like anger, a "whatever" attitude, as my wife Rosemarywould say, and, yes, some hurt feelings (not necessarily in this order). I had to ask God to help me with this and He did. I realized that there is a big difference between a relationship and a friendship. Some people that I considered friends were actually just people that I had relationships with. Some relationships were closer than others and some were just for a season. That didn't necessarily make them friends. So again 'What is a friend.'?
My next step was to see what the Bible said about friendship. Prov.18:24 - There are friends who destroy each other, but a friend sticks closer than a brother (NLT). Wow! What this is saying is that a friend can be someone that is closer to you than your own flesh and blood. How many friends do you know like that? Also Prov.17:7 - A friend loveth at all times and a brother is born for adversity (KJV). Not sometimes but all times. Some people stick around when the friendship helps them and leave when they're not getting anything out of the relationship. This is not a friend. Also, high maintenance friendships are not friendships. Friends should be willing to stick around especially when there are issues. Friends don't get offended easily and work it out even when it gets uncomfortable. Rom.13:8 - Owe no man anything but to love one another (KJV). This scripture talks about loving one another but even love is not enough to be considered a friend because God calls us to love even our enemies. I realized that I really did have very few friends and accepted that. They do because they want to do. After asking God for help in dealing with these situations I accepted them for what they were. I realized I had to ask God to help me continue to work on being a good friend and for Him to reveal to me people who need friendships and continue to appreciate the friendships I do have.
So to all who are friends to me, love you and appreciate you. To all who consider me to bea friend to them, you have a friend for life. And to all who felt that I let them down as a friend I say, I did my best. I guess two out of three isn't bad.